BPD Snapshot
Borderline Personality Disorder is a medical definition and framework for patterns of specific individual suffering.
Unstable sense of self. Rollercoaster relationships. Rage. Impulse control. Self destruction. (To name a few.)
The symptoms and criteria that define BPD paint the picture of a person who is struggling in essentially all major aspects life:
Relationships with others and with themselves, physical and emotional control of oneself, impacting ability to meet responsibilities or maintain goals with work, school, family, friends, hobbies, career, etc., which effect how one ultimately views life and the world around them, severely impacting their sense of purpose and hope for the future.
These negative aspects create an internal environment of instability and emotional vulnerability, which manifest externally in recurring problems, issues, and conflicts that threaten the individual’s well-being and peace, which lead to more impulsive behaviors that result in more suffering, and perpetuate a cycle that can feel extremely difficult to escape alone.
This results in the individual feeling enormous amounts of shame, ineffectiveness, and incompetence, leading to emotional or physical codependency on others, which can pave the way to toxic relationship dynamics that only exacerbate existing patterns of suffering.
While people with BPD can experience feelings of happiness, joy and elation too, the presence of other unmanaged symptoms or unprocessed trauma may quickly interfere, making progress feel short-lived and temporary. That is why in order to effectively “heal” and recover from the suffering that results in Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms, the individual needs long-term, consistent supports to accommodate sensitivities and decrease exposure to triggers and other environmental or internal factors.
Not to mention, comorbidities and other underlying conditions or diagnosable disorders can be impacting the individual’s ability to address the needs neccessary to reduce sources of patterned suffering.
The end result of these cycles is a set of “symptoms” that the medical and psychiatric community define as a “Personality Disorder” - which is merely a big-picture categorization of the manifestations and consequences of said suffering.
It is NOT a definition of your worth or value as a person, nor is it set in stone as final prognosis for what you are or aren’t capable of changing and altering.
Many people with BPD report feeling their emotions with such extreme intensity which make them difficult to manage or control. When these strong feelings occur, focusing on ‘anything else’ can feel impossible. Rather than viewing this experience as a selfish indulgence, understand that the somatic experience for the individual is a very real physical response wherein the body becomes flooded with stress hormones inducing a trauma response from their nervous system.
The body, and the brain, recognize the presence of these intense emotions as a real sign of danger or threat - so, encouraging or telling the individual with BPD to try to change, ignore, temper or deny their feelings rather than providing them a safe space/outlet can actually do way more harm than good in the long-term. Acceptance means recognizing that these responses should not be shamed or punished as they are the result of the person’s natural survival instincts manifesting somatically, and are not conscious choices.
Identifying the sources, causes and triggers for these big emotional responses is an important step in designing a plan to reduce exposure to them, which will lead to decreased opportunities for reactive behavior, and put an end to the cycles that lead to so much emotional, mental and physical suffering, so they can create a life that is peaceful and be able to achieve career/personal/relational goals they so dream of.
When suffering ends, symptoms can’t co-exist.
- When you know who you are, you won’t meet the criteria for unstable sense of self.
- When you learn skills that improve relationships, you won’t meet the criteria for unstable relationships due to splitting.
- When you process the underlying grief and trauma behind the anger, you won’t meet the criteria for inappropriate rage/anger issues.
- When you learn to control your impulses, you won’t meet the criteria for impulsivity.
- When you learn healthy coping skills and distress tolerance, you won’t meet the criteria for self-destructive behavior.
- And when you start to see these changes and how your efforts are positively impacting your quality of life, you won’t meet the criteria for suicidality because life will no longer be something you’ll need to escape from. Building resilience is possible.
The goal to “heal” BPD is to reduce suffering in all aspects of life that have led to or reinforced negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors that contribute to the manifestations of these symptoms.
It is the ultimate journey of the SELF to be able to shift and manage one’s own experiences both internally and externally toward living in safety, peace, and comfort to be free from suffering. While no ‘other’ person can do this for us, we can support each other and provide a place of safety and non-judgment for all steps in this journey.
YOU ARE STILL WORTHY OF LOVE, ATTENTION, CONSIDERATION AND COMPASSION.