Don’t Leave Me
A major BPD trigger is when the people they love/trust threaten to leave them or pull away. This usually happens during conflict or argument, and is particularly distressing for a person with Borderline Personality Disorder.
The abandonment wound can trigger a BPD person with abandonment trauma into extreme crisis. This can become a medical emergency for at-risk BPD individuals with a history of severe trauma and behavioral issues like property destruction, self harm, addiction, etc.
Oncoming medical emergencies can be spotted with visible signs like crying and screaming, but with BPD the feelings are intensified and intolerable - they feel like an inescapable pain that can cause stress-induced psychosis due to the feeling of permanency and lack of viable solutions.
This psychosis makes the person very disoriented to reality and trying to "convince them" that everything will be alright simply does not work.
Psychosis also includes mental confusion, hallucinations, temporary disruption in motor skills, speech impairment, delayed or impaired audio/visual processing, memory loss, time blindness and can accompany physiological symptoms of severe stress due to nervous system arousal like increased heart rate, sweating, rapid breathing, temperature increase or decrease, muscle tension, visible veins, pupil dialation, shaking, convulsing or sudden freezing/seizing. All of these are signs that the BPD person is having a crisis and needs immediate help.
It's important to take precautions for the worse case scenario in order to protect the individual and anyone nearby. Every crisis should be taken seriously because this is when it can become harmful for them or the people who love them. Repeated crisis can lead to suicide.
Many episodes end in self harm. Sometimes it can escalate to aggression, but not every person with BPD becomes physical. Many suffer internally, quietly, or privately.
At the very least, a traumatized person with BPD who is directly facing a trigger like perceived abandonment can lead to verbal defensiveness toward their loved one which may look like lashing out, saying things they don't mean, and attacking in order to protect themselves from whatever is causing emotional harm.
Obviously this can lead to damage in relationships long term, which negatively impact their livelihood and wellbeing long after the crisis is over, creating more shame and reasons to spiral/become anxious in relationships.
Attachments and connections are a very vulnerable thing for people with BPD because of the severity and intensity perceived abandonment can cause and the thought of losing them can be enough to trigger a crisis.
Losing a favorite person for a borderline is not just a sad love story or meme-worthy content (both are true) but the reality is, it can become a real medical emergency.
And I want to casually remind everyone that this is NOT their choice, intentionally, or a controlled manipulation by any means.
It is the by-product of a traumatized person who has been highly sensitive since birth. (Personality disorders are lifelong traits since childhood, which make it different from just cPTSD by itself that can happen at any age.)
Playing with anyone's feelings is not a joke, but when that person has BPD, what seems like "everyday business" for some might be a matter of life and death for the borderline.
PTSD is a recognized disability, and BPD is essentially relationship/attachment PTSD personified. (There are other manifestations independent of relationships, but this is one of the hallmarks as to what makes BPD what it is.)
I raise awareness for BPD to help protect, defend and avoid retraumatization of an already vulnerable community of folks by making it crystal clear that these symptoms & behaviors are not a light matter for others to mess around with, they're never a choice, and if people knew what they were getting into and can't handle it - then they shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place.
It's unfair to the BPD person who doesn't have a choice in how sensitive they are to potential triggers, and sadly are also at risk for their positive traits (like loving deeply, being passionately invested, and having high amounts of infectious energy) being exploited by people who don't take the bad with the good seriously.
You deserve to be around people who make you feel safe, supported, and committed. It IS that deep. And if you deserve to be surrounded by compassionate individuals who understand and won't judge you for it. And I believe that you deserve someone who will stick around forever and mean it when they say they aren't leaving. That's the community I aim to build for us all.
"To be loved is to be worth the inconvenience"